Tag Archives: marriage

Is this you?

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Dear LB,

I have been a stay-at-home momma for the past three years but I am now just returning to the work force part time. My husband is working full-time and then some and also travels quite a bit. The problem is, now that I am contributing to the kitty, shouldn’t /couldn’t some of my non-paid job responsibilities (mom) be shared with the rest of the household (dad)? However, I understand that it’s not like he now has any more free time than he did before I started this gig. And, suffice to say, it’s not my job that will enable us to pay our monthly mortgage, etc. etc. so it’s probably not a good idea for him to cut back on any of his work.  In short, when there are two working parents with different work responsibilities, what do you think is the best way to ensure that there is basically fair and equal treatment for all household members??
-A bit bitter in Oakland

Dear Bitter:

It usually comes down to one thing: the big “C”–communication–as well as having and setting realistic expectations.  He may not care if the living room looks like a hurricane hit it but you do–so make that your job. He, on the other hand may be a total germ-a-phobe in the bathroom, so let him scoop all the hair out of the drain. Bottom line, while his indifference could be a bigger message about how much he cares about you and the relationship,  it could just be that he hates to clean. There is always a solution if you can just sit down and talk about it–when you’re not in the heat of the moment. And remember to keep an even keel and be respectful of each other’s points of view (and don’t treat him like a child no matter how tempted you may be!). The basics:

• You’re a team, so work it out like partners
• Agree on who will do what, and spread out the duties a bit
• You could hire a housekeeper, and show him the cost of that vs what you earn
• If there are kids—they may be able to chip in too

Take a listen to the show for more tips.