Tag Archives: in-laws

Handling Holiday Stress | 12/23 Appearance on 7Live

7Live invited us in to talk to Lizzie Bermudez about how to handle the holidays with a smile! (A real one!) In this broadcast–and with even more in our post below–we offer tips on how to have a great holiday, no matter what crops up!  Happy Holidays!

Family and Friends–How to keep your cool with the people who MOST know how to push your buttons!

Q: How do you deal with in-laws?

A: To avoid reverting to your inner teenager, you can take the high road. After all they did produce the man/woman you married. And even if they represent the one or two traits in your spouse that drive you most crazy, find a non-family related topic they love (tv show? hobby?) to talk about. Unless the topic they love is “moving in with you”–in which case, head for the hills!

Q: What if there’s that one person (family member) you can’t stand, what’s the best way to handle them for a few hours?

A: Key phrases like “I’m sure you’re right” and “is that so?” will help you stay away from the issues that drive you crazy. That, plus “oh, I’ve got to check on the kids/the food/the dishes/the trash,” can keep you politely away from the offending person.

Q: How can you get along with exes during the holidays?

A: If you must see an ex you are out of love with, and/or simply can’t understand how you got together in the first place. Keep it “lite” and see above! If s/he’s now dating your sibling, that’s another story!

Q: Is this the time to make amends with friends or family members you’ve been on the outs with? Is it okay to make the first move? Will they be more forgiving?

A: It’s certainly a good excuse to reach out. Stay focused on the outcome, try not to pick old wounds, and use those infamous “I” statements. “Can we find a way to get back to how we were before?”; Remind them of what you love about each other. And if there’s an issue that must be resolved, consider setting a date in a neutral place to work it out. Whatever you do–don’t start a cat fight in the middle of the Christmas feast!

Holiday Time management

Q: What’s the best way to share your time with family during Christmas (In-laws, friends, your own family) and how do you decline an invitation to a party or gathering without offending the host?

You don’t want to make yourself crazy, but you don’t want to make any enemies either–here’s how to fit it all in, or get out of the things you just can’t manage. The holidays are a bonanza of get-togethers. Demonstrate your desire to see everyone, but don’t feel like you have to cram it all in before a certain date. You may find that other are relieved at this approach too–and as for the party–more eggnog for those that can come!

Gifts

Q: How should you handle getting a tacky gift?

A: Politely!

Q: Is it okay to re-gift?

If you’re careful, yes–but it can backfire (eg what if they gave it to you 3 years ago and you forgot!?)

Q: What if you can’t afford to give nice gifts this Christmas, what’s the best way to let people know it’s a tough time. What are some inexpensive gift ideas?

A: Honesty is the best policy–or agree not to do gifts this year. If you want to express yourself try baking, writing a poem, a personal work of art are all ways to show you care and that you’ve put time, if not money into the gift.


 

New Episode: I hate my sister’s boyfriend!

Click to play episode

CLICK TO PLAY EPISODE. Dear Lady Brain, I love spending time with my family for the holidays. This year my sister is bringing home her new boyfriend for Christmas dinner. I hate him. What should I do? –Meryl

Ah, the joys of the holidays. Should you tell her how you really feel or just suck it up in between glasses of vino? Or–perhaps corner Mr Not-So-Right and tell him to keep his pants on–and his coat while he’s at it? Listen in to find out!


Share

Holiday Tips You Can’t Live Without: In-laws & Co-workers

Check out our recent show on how to have a drama-free holiday! We’ve  also written a few more pearls of wisdom that we didn’t have time to cover on the air–but are still oh-so-useful!

Dear Lady Brain, How do I keep the peace when my in-laws come to town?

• Stay calm and carry on! Know that this is a brief moment in time relatively speaking–and call your girlfriends to vent (when the relatives are out of earshot)–Caveat–you’ll get one chance to do this. Your friends can only handle so much kvetching.

• Try to find and enjoy the good parts–everyone has something good to offer

• Grab as many moments for yourself as you can–a great way to do this AND appear helpful is to escape to the kitchen to do the dishes. Sure it’s onerous but mostly people leave you alone when you’re doing this!

Ladies, should I give a gift to my co-workers for the holidays? If so, what kind of gift?

• Do give a gift to the people who work for you and keep it equitable and considerate–a nice bottle of wine, along with a card that tells them why you enjoy working with them. Don’t gift the boss unless you’re friends outside of work–it could be perceived as brown-nosing. You can give a card. But don’t be obsequious!

•Only gift other co-workers if you’re both participate in a “Pandora” gift exchange, or a white elephant gift exchange.

• Set a gifting limit–the amount will vary by industry. Goldman Sach employees are probably buying more expensive items than most of us. Limit it to $20 or folks will think you make too much money!

Share

New Episode: Oh! Oh! Oh! It’s the Holidays!

Click to play episode

CLICK TO PLAY EPISODE

Find out the best way to deal with travel, gift etiquette and bad guests–listen in to hear the show!

1. How do you deal when you receive a tacky/horrible present they they were SURE you would LOVE?

You always have to assume a gift is heartfelt, so respond in kind. Find the one thing about the gift that you can to like: eg I just love puke green. And if you must, just tell them “you really shouldn’t have! No, really. You shouldn’t have!

2. How much can you really ‘let loose’ at the company holiday party?

You can’t! It’s ok to have fun, but keep the same line drawn at the party as you would on a typical workday. Even if it’s tempting to imbibe, keep it to a 1 or 2 drink minimum (if you aren’t on the wagon). Don’t say or do anything you wouldn’t do in the office. You may be all dressed up and feeling good, but you still have to face these people tomorrow. And try not to look at this as a chance to wear your mini-est dress. Save that one for the in-laws!

3. How can you kindly decline Holiday events without hurting someone’s feelings?

Give your sincerest appreciation for the invitation and let them know you won’t be able to attend. No excuse necessary–the more you say the worse it will get–whether you’re telling the truth (I’d rather go to this other party/you’re boring) or you’re making something up (it’s too easy to get caught). If you’re really pushed for an excuse, your only recourse may be to use your kids or pets: “I can’t get a sitter, or our new puppy just can’t be left on her own yet!”  It’s the 21st century version of “I have to wash my hair”

4. How do you deal with unthoughtful overnight guests (who leave dishes in the sink, clothes on the couch, drink all your liquor, etc)

If you know to expect this, set the ground rules at the beginning. Just because you’ve laid out the welcome mat doesn’t mean they get to step all over you too. If they can’t abide by the rules, gently remind them and do not be shy about it. Just start the sentence with “I would really appreciate it if…” If there’s a third infraction, recommend the hotel down the street next year! They’ll get the message.

5. What do you do when the kid behind you on the airplane keeps kicking your seat/yelling/creating general unpleasantness?

• Calmly request a reprieve from the parent. Get them on the case. Hard as it may be, don’t regress to your own childlike behavior (like pinching or pulling hair!)

• ALWAYS travel with ear plugs! It lowers the engine noise as well, which makes for a calmer flight. By the way, if it’s your child who is crying–bring your own extra earplugs and hand them out to anyone who gives you a look! (This mostly works when you have an infant)

• If the fellow passenger is unwilling to change their behavior, see if you can switch seats with the kicker.

• You have to remain well-behaved because you are stuck with these people for a few hours. You don’t want your reaction to be the reason they ground the plane!

Share