Tag Archives: friendship

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Dear Ladies,

I just realized after months of questionable behavior on his part, one of my oldest, dearest friends is on drugs and has stolen from me. I discovered he’s been lying after my ATM card went missing and hundreds of dollars were stolen from my bank account, not to mention painkillers were missing from my medicine cabinet (I recently completed a small surgery). Should I confront him about the money, the drugs or neither?

Burned by a buddy in San Jose

If your friend would not have done that kind of thing before the drug problem, then tell him to stop doing drugs and everything will be hunky dory. No more drugs, no more problem! Ah, if only it were that simple.

You do need to let him know you think he’s got a problem, stick to the facts about what you’ve observed and do your best to remain unemotional. It’s likely he’ll be in denial, but the worst thing you can do is keep enabling the behavior. While it may be tempting to run away from the problem, seeing that he is one of your oldest and dearest friends, think of ways you might be able to help. Is there a treatment program you can recommend? Do you know someone he could talk to? This requires expert intervention and you’ll need to look up local resources that fit the precise problem. In the meantime, lock up the meds and don’t expect to get your money back. (No, you shouldn’t even ask).

(And remember, we’re coming at this from the perspective of what we’d tell our own friends if they came to us with this problem–we can’t diagnose anything, we can only provide our opinion.) Listen in!