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I am a 51 year old male in a long term hetero relationship. i love her. lots! she is 53, formerly highly athletic, lean, muscular.
Over the past few years, the exercise has ceased, wine consumption has increased and the lbs are piling on. Now it’s a rounded abdomen and big jiggly biceps.
she realizes the changes (larger dress sizes and the mirror, as well as numerous verbal promises to begin exercising again without follow through). all i have done is to be sure to prepare healthy food for meals and encourage exercise. Yet she always has something else to do. it’s a delicate matter. i guess i am wondering if it should even be mentioned, and if so, the most tactful way to do so. Love your show. –Rafael
Dear Rafael–
We ladies always know when we could lose a few pounds, or need to tone up–but sometimes our bodies just run away with us! So, for starters, if you really love her–tell her so. And while you’re at it you could mention that she has a beautiful body—(underneath all that flesh!). Wait, don’t say that last part, it could get you in trouble. The more you love her body the more she may be inspired to remember to take care of it. Your idea of making healthy food and not taking her to the local ribfests for datenight are right on track. But the biggest mistake you could make is to nag her. It will destroy your relationship and it most likely won’t help make an ice-cream lick of difference.
So–stick with her, find out if she is motivated to lose weight or whether she’s just comfortable with where she is right now. If she is having trouble finding the time, invite her on your runs. It’s a great way to spend time together, panting. (On a personal note, Lauren can’t run with her husband. They just end up arguing because she likes to wear her iPod listening to Lady Brain, so she can’t hear him when he says “turn right”!)
Or–there could be something more nefarious going on. She may be sending a signal of some kind–like she doesn’t want to be the athlete anymore or be the woman you started off with. After all–she was in her 20′s when you got together! People change! You sound like a very athletic person–maybe she just doesn’t want to keep up with your pace anymore. The key–very important–is to communicate gently and openly and really hear what she has to say. If you start the conversation from the angle of being concerned about her health, that’s fair. If you go from the angle of your own perspective–that she isn’t as attractive to you anymore–the conversation and the relationship will be damaged.
Bottom line:
• Start a conversation about what’s important to each of you in terms of your health.
• Ask her if she’d like to participate in the exercise you are already getting
• Reinforce that you love her–lots! (as you say!) and that you just want her to live a good, long life!
Now–for what NOT to say, check out these “Ask Men” ideas. They are manly but manipulative–who knew guys could play at this game too!?
Don’t buy her clothes a size too small or that her girlfriend looks hot–click for more bad ideas
–Steph and Lauren
